thanks forever:ything

i don't know what's going on with me...

i think all i desire is the closeness of another person. i can't help feeling empty, 'round the clock. i have everything i need, except someone to share anything with... and that's all i want.

i'm getting a bed this weekend. queen size.
i've been sleeping on my couch for the past 2 months.
when i moved out on my own, i decided to leave my squeaky old bed behind. it saved me work, and an extra trip moving. i brought my old matress, but i haven't touched it. nor have i used my bedroom for anything other than storage.
things will likely change after this weekend. but sadly all i can think about is how alone and afraid i'm going to feel, being on my own in the silence of my secluded bedroom.

i guess i watch too many movies. i don't think i expect my life to be anything like what i see in a movie. but i think the desire to feel somewhat like the set mood in a movie's scene is very real to me, and i don't think i can settle with what i have in my life until i have such an experience before my eyes........

there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonite. around 2am... i know i won't be able to see it due to the city lights... but i'm gonna go walk out to a soccer field or something nearby and see if i can't catch a glimpse... hopefully i'll keep the depressing atmosphere to a minimum.......