thanks forever:ything

it's just after midnite, someday in november. i guess this will be my first formal entry. i'm still sceptical about this whole online journal fad, but i'm sure it'll pass... on my second cup of coffee for tonite. i've been swapping between coffee & beer since 9:30am. sadly i started with the beer... dehydration is setting in, but i can't bring myself to drink water.

i think i have a problem. but alcoholism is the least of it.

i'm 20 years old, i live on my own somewhere outside of vancouver, canada. i'm a guy. usually... i work for some guys and i do "stuff". whatever pays the bills...

recently i "met" a girl. actually it's been a few weeks since we "met". i say "met" because this was an online encounter. you could say i have a crush on this girl, though we've rarely spoken. i found out last week that she's feeling the same way i am. confused. there were a few things about her that lit a spark in my heart for her, and i think the same thing happened to her... we rarely speak to each other. i catch her online once or twice a week at best, we don't really talk. i send her a message, and am lucky if she replies.

let's just say i have a feeling about her, and leave it at that.
i could be wrong. but i could also be right.

i've been dragging myself down over this girl since our encounter... sometimes i wish things would just happen right away. but i think this is one of those occurances that are gonna take quite some time... which i have no problem with, it just requires patience that i can't bring myself to have. but i do the best i can, no matter how much it hurts. if only things were as easy as 1-2-3... i keep wishing that i could just close my eyes one night and wake up with my arms around her. but i'll spare you my fantasy life...