thanks forever:ything

i've been having some deep thoughts about a girl . deeper than most girls i fall in and out of . i already asked her out and she turned me down, but we still talk . we're not really close, but we have some good conversations . which is odd because i'm not a conversationalist . i don't like to talk, but i talk up a storm with her .

of course this is beating me up, i'm bummed out almost as bad as the old high school drama depression days of mine . this isn't necessarily a bad thing though, honestly i look forward to feeling like this . it makes me a more subtle person, and it actually makes me feel a little better about my personality . even though i'm depressed ... but i've always been the kind of person to be happy that i'm sad . i treat other people a lot better when i'm like this . i'm a pretty nice guy to begin with, but i'm usually distant to people, and i give off that cold shoulder impression a lot . now i'm just all around friendly . well, sort of ...

my best friend came by my work today, so i snuck out and had coffee with her . that was nice, i haven't seen her in a couple weeks and that kind of put me down because we're typically out with each other 2 or 3 times a week . i guess she felt the same way, considering my work isn't the shortest drive from her place . she usually rags on me for being so far away .

i'm gonna buy a cookbook tomorrow . i saw a few of interest in the bookstore my boss is kind of 'affiliated' with . i get a considerable discount there, so ... my office is actually in behind the store, since my boss moved me there last week . the lady that runs the store has a puppy, 13 months old . adorable . i wish i could have pets here . i really love dogs, but i come off as a cat person . usually my personality is much like a cats' . which is probably why i want a dog . putting up with myself is enough misery .