thanks forever:ything

i ran into a lost love of mine a couple times over the past couple weeks. it's been almost 2 years since i had seen or heard from her last. and then 2 weeks ago i walk into a club, and there she is ... gorgeous. i bumped into her dowtown last night as i was walking around with one of my best friends, she too was just strolling around with her best friend. so we walked together for a bit as our destinations were in the same direction. we had so much to say to each other. it was as if we had both been dying to see each other after all this time. maybe our run-in at the club prior to this meeting drew up some memories in our minds, and amazingly we were given the chance to spit them out to one another before we possibly drift apart only to lose hope in ever seeing each other again.

i call her a lost love because, well i lost her. any other girl i may have lost, might just be thought to me of as an ex, or some bitch i never really loved. but with this girl, see, nothing bad happened between us. she had a troubled life, and as fairy-tale as it may sound: i promised her that i would always be on her side no matter what kind of mess she'd get herself into, and i would always be watching out for her. i let myself fall in love with her one day, almost 2 years after first meeting her. i still remember her telling me it was ok if i wanted to kiss her. but i never did. we sat on a ledge downtown on a desolate spring evening, holding hands and thinking of how to react to the situation we somehow mingled ourselves into. she told me then, that she loved me. and i knew she meant it. i left for home, smitten as fuck. not a care in the world. i was in love. the next day we talked briefly, i guess the question then was: where do we go from here? that question was never answered. like the surrealities of a Murakami novel, the girl vanished into thin air. literally disappeared off the face of the earth for 5 months. i got a phone call from her one day. she's about to leave for california and she wants to see me before she goes. i go to her house to wish her a safe trip, we hug, exchange contact information, and she's gone again. 2 days later i get a phone call from california. "cleve, there's a problem at the hotel..." i won't go into detail as to what the issue was. anyways, that was the last i heard from her. she had become a love lost.

i should've kissed her.

anyways. her story is that she's been away, cleaning herself up. i've heard this from a number of people who are also running into her all of a sudden after all this time. do i believe her? i'm not sure. i have always had faith that she is a decent person. even though she's done some messed up things. i know she might not feel the same about herself. and maybe she's right. maybe she isn't a decent person. but i've always had an unconditional love for her. however she's doing right now, whatever cards she has up her sleeve, or whatever life she wants to try to reclaim, it doesn't matter. i care for her. i will always be there for her. and i will never bring anything between us, even if i have to lose her again because of it.

but yea if the opportunity arises this time, i ain't holding any kisses back!