thanks forever:ything

so... i talked to her last night. my ex or whatever she is... she was pretty drunk. telling me that she misses me, wanted me to come over to her place (which was once our place...), telling me how good i am in bed, etc... i wasn't sure if i should give in or not. but i did. i didn't go to her place, but we exchanged a few i love you's, i miss you's, i want you's...

she asked me why i stopped calling her. i told her i got messed up whenever i would call her. everytime i hear her voice, i get obscenely lovesick. i can't deal with that when we're not even seeing each other anymore. it's really hard on me when i want her more and more everytime we talk, but i know we can't see each other...

she says she misses partying with me. which is strange, cuz of the entry i made yesterday morning... i don't think she knows about this journal. nobody knows about this journal, lol... i guess we just think alike. we always did. that's why things were so fun with us. it was like we would always see things with the same eyes. point at the same things and laugh for the same reasons. it's fucking amazing how connected we were in that sense. she's the only person i've ever met that could follow alongside me on such a stupid level. that means ALOT to me.

anyways, i guess i'm hung up over her again... after almost being able to attempt to move on with my life. even though i don't want to move on, what choice do i have?

we'll see what happens this weekend. she's having a house party for the second week in a row and there's some new guy that she's been partying with lately who i kinda feel threatened by... considering she gets really close to people really quickly, i have trouble trusting her (especially when i find her passed out cuddled up with another guy once in a while).... and i've got a couple parties to make appearances at this weekend, who knows who i'll run into... even though i'm not one to just see a girl and throw myself at her, especially not when i've got another girl on my mind... i'm kinda decent like that...

i'm hoping that her and i can sneak in some time together this weekend... i might even go out of my way to see her (WOW!)...