thanks forever:ything

so there's this girl who i've been in love with for the past 4 years. i've never been able to shake her out of my mind. i've destroyed relationships because the very thought of her makes me compare everyone to her, and nobody comes close... anyways, i'll spare the history lesson and get to my dilemma.

we see each other maybe once or twice a year. exchange i love you's and everlasting hugs. and then we go back to our own lives apart from each other. a few days ago she found me on friendster. we've exchanged a couple messages so far. last time i talked to her was in october.

i really want to tell her how i feel. how i miss her. and how she inspires my everyday life... but i don't feel it's appropriate to tell her. we have our own seperate lives and we really don't know each other anymore. although, whenever we run into each other, the earth seems to stop spinning. everything stops. and it's just her and i.

i'm afraid that if i don't tell her now, i might never get the chance to tell her... i should make one thing clear: i don't expect anything to become of us by my telling her how i feel. i want to tell her because if i don't, i'll have regret to live with for the rest of my life. but i just can't bring myself to tell her.

fuck... i can't even post this in my journal...
ok ...more simple...
i love this girl.
i know we will never be together. that's fine.
but i feel the need to pour my heart out to her.
but it doesn't feel appropriate.
appropriate...
since when do i do anything appropriate...

what the fuck...
i'm so confused....

sorry if you read this.